Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Dr. Andrew sun and on Naked Conversations we bring honesty back into the conversation. We talk about what's beneath the surface, the places where fear, meaning, emotion and identity intersect. Naked Conversation the Now Media Television welcome to Naked Conversations. I'm Dr. Andrew Sun. Today we're having a very real conversation about aging, family responsibility and the moments when loved ones begin to notice someone that they care about may need more support at home.
These conversations can be emotional. They can bring up fear, guilt, resistance and uncertainty. But when handled with respect, they can also protect dignity, preserve independence and help families avoid crisis driven decisions. My guest today is Melanie Christensen with a better solution in Home Care. Summerlin Las Vegas. Melanie brings insight into personal care at home, senior care, family support, and the practical realities families face when they want a loved one remain safe, respected and cared for. Melanie, thanks so much and welcome to Naked Conversations.
[00:01:09] Speaker B: Thanks so much. It's great to be here today and, and your introduction was perfect.
Perfect.
[00:01:15] Speaker A: Well, could you please go ahead and introduce yourself to the audience sort of what you do and what your agency does?
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Sure.
Like, like Dr. Sun said, we. I am Melanie Christensen and my husband and I own this location for a Better Solution in Home Care. We are a non medical agency and we have clients that we provide care for in their homes or in a facility. Wherever they're at, we can go in, we help them with non medical tasks of daily living.
Things like cooking, cleaning, bathing, going to the grocery store, going to the theater.
We can provide companion care.
Basically whatever a person would need during the day that is not a medical need, we can assist them with.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Awesome. That's fantastic. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who may think about their aging family members and consider services like that.
When a family first begins to notice some of these changes, what would be some of the early warning signs that they might see that they might know that this person needs some extra support at home?
[00:02:37] Speaker B: That's a great question.
When you're watching a family member, whether it's your spouse or a parent or an aging friend, you're going to want to look for things like their hygiene beginning to change or they're missing showers or they're, their oral care is declining.
Perhaps they're having a hard time standing up out of chairs.
So there are mobility issues. You maybe notice that they're walking much slower or less steady on their feet.
There may be weight changes, either gaining or losing weight, probably generally losing weight at this point.
Changes around their house, their, their living space might start to change.
Not able to to clean it or keep things up off the floor.
And then also their cognitive or emotional well being starts to change.
You're going to notice things like they're forgetting things or they're not paying their bills on time.
Maybe they start to withdraw from their family or their friends or things that have just been part of their life.
Those are all really good indicators that this person is declining and needs help.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Definitely a lot of things to notice there. I can imagine there may be people out there. I could think about this with my dad, who's, you know, fairly stubborn that even if I were to notice these things, how do you start to bring up that conversation in a way that doesn't make the senior feel judged or controlled or diminished?
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Oh, that's so tricky. And I think, think just starting, maybe before these changes start to happen, but if you are seeing them, seeing changes, we do need to be careful. And yet it's okay to be a little more direct. But there are some questions that you can ask.
Ask them. Hey, are you noticing that you're having a hard time keeping your grass mode or are you, how, how is your medication going? Are you able to keep track of your prescriptions? Are they getting delivered on time or are you picking them up on time?
Notice things in their fridge and maybe say, hey dad, your milk is expired or things like that. That.
And then when you start seeing those things happen, it's a little, it's a little bit easier to say.
Now let me tell you what I'm seeing and maybe you can explain to me how you're feeling about these things. It, it can be a very difficult conversation and we all want to, to handle those conversations with compassion, but parents can be sensitive and, and a little bit defensive about it.
[00:05:45] Speaker A: Yeah, I can imagine that would be, that could be very challenging because you're trying to balance your, your concern for their safety versus their concern for independence. Now how do you sort of walk that tightrope, I guess between helping somebody and then accidentally tipping into taking away their independence or at least making them feel that way?
[00:06:04] Speaker B: Yeah, that's, that's a really, really delicate balance.
You kind of need to evaluate where your preferences are. Is this really something that is making your life easier or is this something that truly needs to be done for the safety of the, of your loved one?
Are, are they able, are they willing to have someone work beside them? I think that's a really good place to start and kind of figuring out are my, is my parent slowing down because that's their life is slower now or Are they slowing down because they are struggling? So if you can do activities side by side and kind of see where their independence goes to, then that kind of gives you a little bit of a map as to where their health and wellness is and where you maybe are going to need to step in.
One thing we want to do is we want to try to preserve their independence. And if we're doing things that make them feel like we are overstepping that or eroding away their independence, that's when those defensive mechanisms really kick in.
So we want to, as we discuss having care for them or assistance for them, we want to make sure that it's things that they actually need help with and not just something that will help us feel a little bit better. Unless stressed.
[00:07:52] Speaker A: Sure.
You know, as we're. As we're talking, in my mind, as I'm picturing it, I'm considering, like, one person living alone, but certainly a lot of times it's not that way. Right. It's still a married couple or whatnot. Does that make things more difficult, like, if they both need help, or do you often see one person, like, overcompensating to then try to become the primary caregiver for the other?
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Absolutely. We have a lot of couples that we care for, but generally we are caring for primarily one of the companionship, while the other one is trying to have a little bit of a life. And I don't mean that in a. In a disrespectful or dismissive way, but caregiving is a heavy task. And statistically, about 70% of the caregivers will pass before the person they're caring for.
So if mom is taking care of dad, we've got to watch mom's mom's health and, well, being closely because she's going to wear out really, really fast.
Our job then is to go in and help dad and help lift some of that burden off of mom so that she can remain his wife and not become a.
A caregiver, more of a functional role versus a companion role.
[00:09:18] Speaker A: I'm curious, just statistically, you know, I can imagine, like, women generally have a longer life expectancy than men, but I can imagine men, maybe they need more help.
Are there statistics on terms of, like, what percentage of your service population is single or partnered or male or female? I'm just kind of curious.
[00:09:36] Speaker B: I don't have statistics for our particular company, but most of our clients are male and single.
[00:09:47] Speaker A: Yeah. So sounds like that would make sense.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, I'm a men's Health urologist and I did a fellowship in male sexual medicine and men's health. And that's kind of my whole life passion. And this is basically the end game of the things that we talk about in clinic, which is men tend to not take care of themselves as well. They tend to have poor health outcomes, they tend to have all sorts of habits that lead to long term sort of downsides. And I guess this is the end result of that. So I think it all is kind of the same message fundamentally.
What, what would you say?
You know, this is a hard question, but let's say you approach your family member with this and they say, yeah, I'm fine, you know, what do you do with that?
[00:10:32] Speaker B: You're going to hear that a lot.
If you're okay with this, I'm going to give you my personal experience.
My parents were in their early 80s.
There were, there's nine living children.
But my parents lived in a tiny, tiny, tiny little farming community in northern Utah with no resources at all. There's not a post office, there's not a grocery store, there's not a doctor. There is nothing there.
And my dad had had several heart attacks and I was living overseas. My three, my four sisters were living, I think the closest one was probably 60 miles away.
So we could kind of see that we needed to have this conversation with them before there was a crisis. So this conversation happened in May.
We sat down with them, we said, listen, you know what, you guys are doing great right now, but what if something changes? What do you want us to do?
And it was a tough conversation and they were not very happy about it.
They weren't angry at us, but you could tell that they were frustrated and feeling a little bit attacked, which absolutely was not our intent.
So that was in May.
You know, we discussed some things and, and hoped we were planting seeds.
But in August, my dad ended up having quadruple bypass surgery. And in November, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
So even though we tried to sort of plant those seeds to get them thinking about, you know, what, living together here maybe isn't going to be a long term option.
I think it did sort of prepare them for those, you know, in two months time, their life drastically changed.
So I think that helping them realize that the conversation is really because you do love them, you care about them and you want to be able to help them maintain their independence as independence as long as possible is the goal.
Sure. And thankfully there are resources. You know, the Internet is full of things that we can kind of look into and you can get some conversation starters or tips about, you know, I need to have this conversation with my parents or with my spouse. How can I go about doing that?
You can turn to the Internet. You could call, I mean, you could call a company like mine and say, could you give me some ideas about how I can go about this conversation with my parents so that they don't feel like I'm in here taking over their life, but that I am just simply trying to be prepared and help when, when and if the, if the need arises?
[00:13:38] Speaker A: Absolutely. I think this first conversation is really important because these care decisions shouldn't hopefully begin with panic. They should ideally begin with listening and respect and an honest understanding of what the person truly needs physically, emotionally, socially and personally. When we come back, we'll talk about what personal care at home can actually look like and how support can help seniors continue living with dignity.
Foreign.
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Before the break, we talked about the early signs that an older adult may need more support and how families can start that conversation with compassion.
Now, I want to make this practical. What does care at home actually include and how can it be delivered in a way such that dignity, privacy, personal boundaries and emotional well being are protected rather than taking them away?
So when people hear home care, what does that elicit? What do people understand or what do they misunderstand about what that means?
[00:15:22] Speaker B: I think misunderstanding is a more common reality than actually understanding what home care means. And there are, there are several misconceptions.
One is that it is the same thing as home health care or hospice. And in reality, we are very different from them. We make a great team with them, but we're very different. We are completely non medical.
We can help with things like cooking, cleaning, toileting, showering, medication, reminders, things like that, but we don't do anything medical.
We don't do anything with wound care. We don't check vitals.
We don't do anything that a doctor or a nurse or a medical assistant would do.
A misconception is that someone that has home care is either very, very ill or they're bedridden or it's kind of an all or none thing. Either you've got 24, seven care or you don't have anything at all.
And in reality, we tailor make every care plan to every client.
We can come in for a one hour shower or a visit to help with a shower, or we can be there for 24, seven care.
Lots of people feel like if you're having home care come in, then perhaps the family has failed or the caregiver has failed. And, and that is such a big misconception because in reality bringing in professional help allows the family members to maintain their place in the family versus being that caregiver.
Another misconception is that Medicare or insurance will pay for it and in reality it does not.
Generally home care is private pay or you've got long term care insurance that will cover it or Veterans affairs will cover it. But medical insurance, Medicare does not cover it.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: My understanding is Medicare can cover home health, correct?
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Correct. Okay, that's exactly right. Because home health is going to be prescribed by your doctor. Your doctor is going to say, this patient needs this much care and this is what they need. So a nurse or a PCA is going to come in and.
I'm sorry, a CNA is going to come in and do those things that the doctor has prescribed. Now I said that we make a great team because that person, the home care aide that comes in or the nurse, they don't have very long. They're going to get in there, they're going to do their vitals, they're going to take care of the wounds, they're going to make sure that medically you're okay, but then they're on to their next patient.
We are there to sort of make sure that the rest of the person is in good shape, that their personal care is, or their mental and emotional care is all being taken care of. So I really like working with home health or hospice because I feel like it's a much more rounded approach to the person's care.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: Yeah, I think I can totally see how those two things would go well together kind of handling the different aspects of care. Does that also include like going and helping them buy groceries or like running errands and that kind of thing?
[00:19:01] Speaker B: It sure does. And in fact we will. We can either take the client with us to go and do those errands and tasks or we can do it for them and we've got clients that prefer for both. If a client is still able to get out, I feel like it's best for them to go with the caregiver because we all need a Little sunshine, we need to be outside. And even if that is from the house to the car, from the car to the store, whatever, that still is so good for the person's well being.
But if the person is homebound and can't leave, then we are there to go pick up prescriptions, to go pick up your mail, or to drop your mail off, or any of those necessities that are not able to be done by that client anymore.
[00:19:52] Speaker A: Gotcha. So if you had to just in like 10 seconds, explain to somebody who has never heard of this, like, what is personal home care, what would that be?
[00:20:03] Speaker B: I will tell them. And I say this often. Think about everything you do in your day that does not include a doctor or a nurse.
That's what we help with.
[00:20:15] Speaker A: Awesome. Yeah. So also with sort of sensitive things like bathing, showering, toileting, grooming and such.
[00:20:23] Speaker B: Yes, got it.
[00:20:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
And this is something that's basically personalized. Each like a, a patient or a patient, I guess whatever you would call them or their family member will come and say, these are the things that we need help with. And you just kind of work and create a plan which then governs some number of hours or something.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: That's exactly right. We have a general care plan that we take out for our first assessment with them. We'll go through the plan and say, do you want, do you want the caregiver to vacuum your floors? If we're going there three days a week, how many days a week do you want your floors vacuumed? And which day of the week do you want your floors vacuumed?
Can we use your dishwasher or would you prefer us to hand wash your dishes?
How often do you want a shower?
Do you, what temperature do you like the water?
Do you have a shower chair?
I know lots of people, at least in the senior age groups, really liked bathing, but it's hard to get people in and out of a bathtub. So we've got to find out are they still able to do that or are they able to shower? And if they are able to get in and out of the shower, do they need a shower chair and do they have a shower chair?
So we really kind of try to dissect the day and really get into the details about what is going to make that person feel like they were really, really handled with dignity and respect and care and that this was a, this was a good day because I had somebody come that cares about me and they helped my day.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: And is that normally done through like a first time in home assessment? Kind of thing.
[00:22:20] Speaker B: Yeah, we go out the first time, either me or my client care manager will go and do that first assessment with them and then we go with the, with the caregiver. Every time there's a new caregiver, we walk that caregiver in, we go through the care plan with them, make sure they're comfortable with it. And then we do quality assurance visits every 30 days to make sure that the care plan is being followed and to kind of be the second set of eyes on that client to see if there's changes happening that we, that we need to be looking at. The caregiver also is really good about informing us about changes that happen.
You know, they're not eating as much or she's always cold or whatever those changes are.
The caregivers will usually let us know that. But yeah, those quality assurance visits are really important.
[00:23:14] Speaker A: Yeah. When a family is considering this, what are some things they should look for when choosing a home care provider?
[00:23:23] Speaker B: Oh, great question.
Going to want to make sure that the company is licensed, bonded and insured.
Every state has their own regulations, but make sure that that care company is in good standing with the state.
You're going to want to ask about what do they require of their caregivers? Are there, are they background checked? What kind of practical training do they have?
Find out about what kind of how the communication goes in the company. Are you going to be able to get a hold of them when you need them? What if something happens after hours?
I would have a real.
I think for most people when I go to talk to them, you kind of get a feel for the personality of the client and their family and the caregiving company.
And I think that the client and their family really needs to go with their gut on, yeah, this is, this is a good fit or this maybe is in our company. We need to keep looking.
[00:24:33] Speaker A: Sure.
And are there specific ways in which professional support can reduce the stress for the family caregivers while still keeping them involved? I imagine, you know, maybe some will just say, okay, that all you and some will want to be actively a part of it. And there's going to be this overlap period, which can be kind of interesting.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Perhaps you are right. And there are.
We really try to keep the families up to date on what's going on and we're going to let them dictate how much communication they want. For some families it really is. Listen, I've hired you guys.
I'm, I'm here. I kind of see what's going on.
If you need anything Let me know. But otherwise, things are good. There's. There's the other side of it where they live across the country. And I would really appreciate a weekly update or kind of, like you said, the mix in between.
So we're going to try really hard to make sure that the family not living with the client is cared for as well by communicating with them on the basis that they want it, whether that's regularly or as things change.
Sure, sure.
[00:25:52] Speaker A: Well, this is where many families, I think, begin to understand that care is not only about replacing family love, it's about adding structure, consist, and support so the senior and the family are not carrying everything alone. After the break, we will talk about one of the most delicate areas of care. Privacy, intimacy, sexuality, family boundaries, and the emotional side of honoring older adults as whole people. Stay tuned.
Welcome back to Naked Conversations. We've talked about recognizing care needs and understanding personal care at home. Now we're entering a sensitive but very important part of the conversation. Sexuality, intimacy, privacy, companionship, and the emotional needs of older adults. These topics deserve maturity, compassion, and respect, not embarrassment, silence, or judgment.
So kick it off broadly when a senior, when somebody, you know, one of your clients has questions or concerns about privacy, relationships, companionship, intimacy, or even sexuality, how do home care professionals respond with respect while staying within appropriate professional boundaries?
[00:27:22] Speaker B: Boy, professional boundaries are so important.
And I am going to share, share one of my personal experiences because if that's where we learn, that's where we grow. So my mom was on hospice, and I fell in love with her hospice caregivers. They are her nurse. Her.
I mean, they, the whole group was so wonderful. So they would come and take care of her. And I always wanted to give them something, you know, some bread or something. And they would just say, no, it's okay. That's my job. And. And you don't need to give me anything for it.
And. And now as the owner of this company, one of our basic rules is you do not accept gifts from our clients.
And I feel, as I learned that, I thought, oh, my gosh, they were those.
That hospice group was being so professional, and they did it with such graciousness that they never made me feel silly or like I had overstepped a bound.
I just was so grateful for what they did that I wanted to share something with them.
So professional boundaries are so important.
But we are dealing with a group of people who are, in most cases, pretty darn lonely.
You've had a career your whole life. You've been active and productive. You've been part of the community.
You've had all of these avenues that social interaction and productivity have really been your identity.
And now your kids have left home, you've retired from your job, you, maybe you can't golf anymore or bowl or go to the theater or whatever it was that really brought you happiness and joy.
Your life is suddenly much smaller in what you're able to do.
And if your personal relationships have also decreased, meaning your children and grandchildren don't live around you, maybe your spouse or your partner has passed away, you're starting to see your friends pass away, that is a scary time. And it becomes a very lonely time. And so part of our greatest hope and desire is that we can provide companionship that will bring meaning to this beautiful person whose life is changing.
[00:30:02] Speaker A: That's such a profound way of stating it. You know, we see, I see many patients and they always come in, you know, at different ages, and sometimes they're like, am I too old for this? And I always tell them it's, it's up to you. You know, you can have a very active sex Life in your 90s. You can have no desire to have a sex life in your 60s. It's very personal of a choice. And in this context of home care, I can imagine that it can be something awkward perhaps, if ever it comes up in discussion.
I wonder if you have any advice on how families or caregivers can talk about these topics if they do come up without either crossing a line or any type of judgment or shame associated.
[00:30:45] Speaker B: It's such an interesting topic because we think about our interactions with our parents throughout our lives and probably not a topic that is talked about a lot.
And suddenly we've got a parent that is more dependent on us than they've probably ever been, and our relationships with them are changing.
So maybe they will need somewhere to turn for advice or trying to figure out how to navigate this want, this desire, or just that changing need in their life.
As far as caregivers go, our caregivers are going to be very, very careful to not advise or counsel because we're not trained nor are we licensed to do any of that.
However, if we have the kind of relationship with a client that they are willing to discuss, that we're going to treat it with respect and probably say something like, I understand this question, or I understand your worries or your concerns. I'm not qualified to answer those questions, but perhaps we could talk to a doctor, or we could talk to your family about it and, or talk to whoever I, you know, it would all Be very dependent upon the conversation that's happening. But let's find out a way for you to get your questions answered so that we can help this not be quite such an.
Maybe a topic of concern.
[00:32:33] Speaker A: Sure.
I wonder if you ever encountered this. Like, how would adult children, or let's say you have a client, let's say they're male, let's say they're alone, let's say they then start dating.
I wonder how that changes the dynamic. But either between their adult children or between care or if they're. They undergo a significant change in their personal situation. You know, have you encountered that before?
[00:32:59] Speaker B: I have not encountered that. I feel like, though, that would be a dynamic that would be much more complex with the children than with us because we're going to respect their privacy at all times and probably be a little more excited for them if they're still at a point in their life that they can date or that they can build a new relationship.
From my point of view, that's great.
Now I'm also a child of a dad who. I mean, my mom died. My parents had been married for almost 65 years when my mom died. So the thoughts of my dad starting to date again, I didn't really like that idea at all. So I can kind. I can see the side of it where the family might be going, hold up, this is not a good idea.
That's one of those places where children and parents need to love each other fiercely and respect each other so much that they can have those tender conversations and build relationships with each other and not damage or harm relationships with each other.
So it's kind of a. I think it can be a tiptoe topic, but also one that could really increase love and respect and, and encouragement. Especially as, as children. Children, we recognize that we're probably going to follow in their footsteps at some point and maybe we'll learn as we deal with our parents how we want to be treated or how we are going to deal with our children. Children when we are on the later side of life.
[00:34:55] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, I think it's so complicated and very difficult, I think, to imagine all the different scenarios that could play out there. In addition to sexuality or let's say romantic relationships. I think that there's clearly a.
There's an epidemic of loneliness overall. Right. Among young people and old people.
How do you. Or where do you see your role? Or, you know, if you had any advice to these guys, maybe their home helper is the only person they see for like the entire time. You know or did there any.
How do we, how do we work with that?
[00:35:34] Speaker B: That is. Oh my gosh. Loneliness is a devastating problem right now. Loneliness leads to so many unwanted conditions, both mentally and mentally and emotionally and physically.
Loneliness can lead to depression and it leads to heart disease and I mean, just so many undesirable things that we need human interaction. There is a statistic that loneliness and I don't know what degree I, I should, should look up this statistic, but a person that doesn't have human interaction for a day, it's the same as smoking 13 cigarettes a day.
It has profound consequences on us as individuals. So having a caregiver in your home, when you get lined up with the right caregiver, your doorbell rings and you think, oh good, my friend is here and they come in and either they're going to be there to help you in whatever household tasks you need done or personal care you need done, or they're there to read with you or visit with you or take you somewhere you want to go. They really can become that link to human interaction that can prevent pretty devastating consequences of loneliness and isolation.
[00:37:16] Speaker A: It truly is, as you say, itself. Loneliness is as bad as many other medical conditions conditions.
Humans are inherently social creatures and I think when we lose that, it becomes very, very challenging and it definitely predicts for all sorts of negative health outcomes.
[00:37:33] Speaker B: Sorry, if I could add one more thing to even if you're an introvert, you still need that interaction. And so then the goal is to match you with, with a caregiver that matches that energy level, that level of introvertedness or extrovertedness that is going to help you thrive.
[00:37:55] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, this segment matters so much because care is not only physical, it's also emotional, relational, personal and very deeply human. Families need permission to ask sensitive questions without shame and seniors deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect at every stage in life. When we return, we'll bring everything back together about planning ahead, protecting dignity and helping seniors live with as much safety, connection, privacy and independence as much as possible.
Welcome back to Naked Conversations. Stay connected to this show and every NOW Media TV Favorite live or on demand anytime you like. Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and Spanish on the move. Catch the podcast version at www.nowmedia.tv. from business and news to lifestyle, culture, wellness and beyond, NOW Media TV is streaming around the clock. Ready whenever you are.
Welcome back to Naked Conversations. We've talked about recognizing needs personal care at Home, the emotional impact of caregiving and the importance of respectful conversations around privacy, intimacy and sexuality in older adulthood. Now I want to focus on planning ahead because the best care conversations happen before families are forced to make decisions under pressure. So Melody, can you tell us why is it so important for families to talk about care preferences before a crisis happens?
[00:39:49] Speaker B: His care preferences are very difficult to talk to, talk about during a crisis.
During a crisis, you're frazzled, your emotions are on edge, your loved one may not be in a position to be able to help direct or guide you. And so having a plan in place really makes the day to day much easier.
Think about, I go home at night and I'm like, oh, what are we going to have for dinner? But if I have my meal plan for the week, much easier to go home and decide. I don't really have a decision. It's already made for me. I know what to do.
So having these discussions before the crisis happens just alleviates a lot of stress for the caregivers. When that crisis does happen, you, you're going to have the, the, the knowledge of what, that of what your parent or your spouse, your loved one, you know, know what they want to do when, when it's no longer safe to be at home.
What do you want me, what do you want us as a family to do? Do you want us to hire someone to come in so you are safe at home? Would you rather us look for an assisted living or a full assist living facility for you to live in? These are questions that we want to discuss now so that when the time comes, we're not scurrying around trying to make those choices.
[00:41:27] Speaker A: You know, I think about advanced directives a lot.
Any physician who spent any time in palliative care or in the ic, you kind of are like, you know, these things I should have decided a long time ago because it's really difficult to have a family member decide those things in the crisis moments. And I think it's a very similar idea. Have the conversation when you're calm and you know, you have time to think about it so that you can make a plan. And you know, I'm sure that you're going to meet all sorts of people. Some people who want to stay in the house they grew up in forever and some people who are much more willing to, to go to assisted facilities.
If you have a client who's currently receiving home care, but the care professional or the family is starting to notice some deterioration, do you guys sort of talk about like, hey, maybe we need to bump this up to the next level of assisted living.
[00:42:21] Speaker B: Yes, we do. And in fact, we will actually sort of do the scouting for the family. We can say, if you want to give me your priorities, I will go find a facility for you. Tell me, kind of your price range.
Tell me, is this a place, do you want this place to have lots of activities always going on, or is this something that you want it to be a little more subdued, a little more quiet?
Do you want it to be a place where she can. Mom or dad can have a single, their single room or is it okay for them to share their room? So if you get the criteria from the family or the client, then we can have, we will go and, and scout and then say, hey, here's three or four facilities that I feel like would be that I would feel comfortable living in. If you want to go check them out.
[00:43:13] Speaker A: Gotcha. You know, obviously this is not a financial podcast, but the financial part plays a role into it. I think you had mentioned that long term care insurance does cover these kinds of services.
[00:43:22] Speaker B: They do. Care cover personal, private care. Yes.
[00:43:27] Speaker A: Gotcha. Yeah, you know, I had, I was starting to look into that and thinking because from what you read, there's sort of an ideal age to potentially purchase that. Not too late when the premium's too high, not too early when you don't need it. But something I think, for people to consider. I don't think a lot of people know that long term care insurance would cover this type of help because it could be immensely beneficial.
[00:43:46] Speaker B: Yes. And it may, I'm for sure, if you're going to get, well, that long term care insurance, that's what it would be for. So yeah, it's, it is very beneficial to have.
[00:44:00] Speaker A: So, you know, we kind of mentioned this briefly before, but when you start to have these conversations and you meet resistance from the, the person you know that you're talking about, I guess at least you've opened up the dialogue and potentially planted some seeds for the future.
[00:44:20] Speaker B: Yeah. And you know, the goal is to not ever make them feel like you're taking their choices away.
We want them to remain as independent as long as possible.
So maybe we don't start out with 24, 7 care. Maybe you could start saying, hey, is it all right if we have somebody come over, I don't know, once or twice a week? Maybe they can help with meal preparation or they could help with laundry. One of my concerns for my mom was her reaching in and out of the washer and dryer because it's such a big reach.
She's just a short little lady. So, you know, start thinking about your concerns. I, I mean, it's very important that mom and dad or the, the loved one, their concerns and their needs are top priority. But at the same time, we do want to kind of ease the stress level of the family. So think about your worries. Is it that they're not getting good nutrition? So then maybe, you know what, instead of moving you to an assisted living center where I know you're going to get three meals a day, what if we have somebody come in and help you do meal preparation once a week so that I still know that you've got food available and ready to eat. That would really help me a lot and it would help you stay healthy as well.
So I think that if we can give them choices, hopefully they'll be a little more receptive to the idea of having help come and not feel like their independence is being totally taken away from them.
[00:46:00] Speaker A: Sure, sure. You know, as you mentioned, the, the laundry thing, do you think there's any quick tips about how people could make their home environment sort of better to support safety without making the senior feel like their life is, is being taken over?
[00:46:16] Speaker B: I think that's a really important thing to do, actually. You're going to look for. If they've got carpet in their homes, make sure it's tight and there's no ripples in the carpet because so easy to trip on those. If there's area rugs, are they slippery? Are they going to slip and fall on those? Are there grab bars? Is there adequate lighting?
You know, at least me grow. When I was growing up, we always turned the lights off. It was important. You need to turn the lights off. We've got to conserve energy.
But as our, as people get older, they need to leave some light or have some light throughout the day and night. So if there's a dark place in the house, maybe put in a night light or some motion detection lights or something like that that can promote safety.
Also you could get them a, a device that they can wear so that should they fall, they're not laying there for an indeterminate amount of time until somebody happens to check on them.
So there are ways to, to make home a safer place.
[00:47:31] Speaker A: Yes. I think the fall, like the, even like a smartwatch kind of has that ability. And people, I think, underestimate how significant falls are. Right. That's like the number one thing as you get older. We have in urology, of course, most of our older guys, they get big prostates, which means they have to get up at night several times to pee and that's oftentimes a very dangerous situation. So exactly like you said, we tell them to keep some night lights on or shift your bed closer to the bathroom or even potentially just get a urinal. I know you may not want to, but at least it's there in case you can't make it in time or whatnot. And then of course we got to treat their prostate. But, but yeah, you know, maybe it
[00:48:09] Speaker B: may be that it's time for a bed rail to keep them from falling out of bed or assisting them in being able to push up off of the bed.
So there are lots of safety mechanisms that we can provide that helps home be safer.
[00:48:23] Speaker A: Certainly. Let's conclude by saying if there was one thing that every family could do this week to prepare for better care conversations, what would that be?
[00:48:35] Speaker B: Have a conversation, start the conversation, be gentle and delicate about it, but no need to apologize.
This is, we're having this conversation because we love you, we want you to be safe, we want you to maintain your independence.
What does that look like? And as life progresses and those things change, what does continued independence look like for you even though life is changing? So I would, the first thing I would get that meeting scheduled.
It needs to be a very non emotional meeting but it can, it can really open up avenues right now and for time coming up when like we said prior to a crisis is always better than during a crisis. So this week, today, as soon as you can have a conversation,
[00:49:42] Speaker A: it just starts with that.
Melanie, thank you for helping us have this conversation with honesty, compassion and respect.
Senior care is not about taking over someone's life life. It's about protecting dignity, supporting independence whenever possible, honoring privacy and personal identity, and making sure families are not facing difficult decisions alone. For viewers who want to learn more or connect with your work or begin a conversation about personal care at home or senior care support, what's the best place for them to reach you?
[00:50:12] Speaker B: They can go to our our website at absihc Forward slash Summerland.
[00:50:23] Speaker A: Perfect. Well, to everyone watching this episode is a reminder that aging deserves respect, caregiving deserves support, and older adults deserve to be seen as complete human beings with safety needs, emotional needs, privacy needs, and the right to be treated with dignity. Families deserve clear guidance before a crisis forces the conversation.
I'm Dr. Andrew sun and this is Naked Conversations. Thank you for watching.
